HYPOCRITE EGOMANIAC'S ENTRY:

the cold that surrounds my heart once again has not gone as deep as it had the first time.  Evan will leave, and it will be forever...  the tumor has gone halfway down his leg, and he is heavily medicated again for all the pain he suffers...
I don't want him to suffer anymore.  I don't enjoy watching him the way he is now... it's frightening and it makes me feel angry and desolate and powerless.  Is there nothing I can do for him?  Have I done nothing all this time?  ...Ever since he came home from the hospital, I did not wish to go near him... perhaps because Death was still near and it was He that clogged my heart and mind, and made me feel the pain I first felt seven years ago on that fateful day...  In my life, I have felt that pain, that guilt, almost four times now.  I do not know anyone else who has endured it as I have; near four times of drowning, life-draining, heart-failing suffering...
He may not be related to me at all, but I love him.  He is my father's friend, and he has been under our roof so long, it feels as if he has always been here and that he is of my blood.  I wish I could do more...  I want him to be at rest.  The tears I shed are all for him and his family and those who are close to him at the heart, and none are for myself.

MY RESPONSE: I'm sorry to hear about your LOSS. Yes, the one who was LOST, not YOU. How conceided can someone be? Someone died. The best thing you can do be strong, carry on and celebrate them, NOT throwing sad poetry about your hard fucked up life. It's like someone's dying and you're the one expecting the hugs and tears and sympathy. Oh yeah, and stop with the "smart" talk. You sound fucking stupid, like a nerd who thinks they're a vampire slayer, a celtic princess, or a prodigy.